Im Lost

Rich comes home last night from work, does his normal "grabbing of the beer", giving the dogs there cookies, and sitting in his chair. He asked me to get his dinner, which i dont mind doing, he then asks me to take his boots off. HMMM.... So i get up to take them off ( i know i know, white trash) as i bend over to unlace them he says, " can you rub you tounge over your teeth and seductively say that you love to take them off for me?" What? i was so imbarresed i couldnt do it and he got mad. We were watching King of Queens and as Doug was walking in the door after work, Karri runs to the door and says " My Mans Home" and gives him a big kiss. Rich says "I dont even get that when i walk in". Whatever... I got up to take a shower..

The rest of the night seemed as though we couldnt stand each other. Rich sat there and drank about 11 beers, I dont understand why he has to drink so much. Whats wrong with having a few after a tough day at work and just relaxing? I think that is relaxing to him, to just get drunk. I told him i was going to bed around 9:15 and he followed me in.

Now we NEVER have before bed sex, EVER!!! he put his arms around me, started kissing me, as he moved his hand down between my legs. I opened them slightly as i reached for him. He moved ontop of me and said " i love you baby, i want us to get pregnant so bad" It was good sex, he seemed to enjoy himself. I on the other hand faked it. Which is ok with me, i enjoy him enjoying me. I the one thing i want more than anything is to have his baby.

I never thought i would have the whole "biological clock"thing, but DAMN i can feel it. I getting afraid that i cant get pregnant, that im too old, that he drinks too much and therefore his swimmers arent so great. Im just getting nervous about it, Will it happen soon? Will it ever happen? I dont think i will feel like a complete woman until i have carried and delivered my child. Im just feeling empty inside..