Sick

Ive been so sick the last week and a half. I havent really felt like posting. Today im starting to feel better, I swear God plays games with me, every year im sick for the holidays. EVERY year!
I though I was going to die, or maybe I wished it, im not really sure.

So today is the last day of work and all I have is a three day weekend of nothing to do but hang out with my man and my dogs! now thats a good time in my book! Rich and I have no plans for this weekend, we are both looking forward to nothingness.

I think my parents are finally starting to come around on the whole engaged thing. My dad came over this week to help us fix the tv/surround sound/dvd/cable problem we were having. And dad and Rich got along pretty well. Im thinking they are realizing that he's not going anywhere and they should try to like him.

Nothing else is really going on, right now im trying to get caught up on bills and get everything straight so my monthly bills will all be the same, I feel like im making progress.

Rich should be starting the fire academy the second week of January, so im sure things will start to get crazy again. I really do hope he does well, and I plan on doing everything I can to help him study.

All and all things are looking up, im trying not to have the "shits gonna hit the fan" attitude!

I'M ENGAGED

Yup you heard it right! Rich and I went out Christmas shopping on Sunday and looked at some rings. And out of the blew he says "pick one"! Thank God I got to pick it cause he really really would have got the wrong one! Which would have been ok, but im so glad that I got the perfect one. Now its not like we broke the bank buying it. Sears was having a sale on all jewelry, 40% off!! So I guess we picked the right day! It's a 3/4 princess cut set in a plain gold band, and I love it.

My parents were alittle suprised, atleast they said congrats! I really dont have anyone to share it with, seeing that all my "old" party friends are now longer speaking to me including Scott. He Called me on Friday and screamed at me about the whole drug thing and me coming clean on it all with my dad when he found out about it all. Seems Scott and Billy want to now beat up Rich because they think i blamed them and drugs on all the money missing, when i didnt! So I had to get my mother involved at that point. Its only gonna get worse before it gets better.

But Im happy being engaged and Im happy with Rich and our little family (dogs). I know this whole thing is far from being over. And im ok with not having a relationship with Scott, it wasent that positive of a relationship anyway!

Being hopeful

Things are up and down right now. I finally had a talk with my mom about everything thats been going on with work and my dad. How im feeling like im very alone in all of this. Im feeling like im taking all the blame on everything when Scott ( my brother) is just as guilty on some of the stuff and he is continuing to do so. Im not doing drugs anymore, he is! And to make matters worse hes doing them at my dads place of business with all his friends.

I told my mom that instead of doing a background check on Rich, he should be paying more attention to whats going on right under his nose. Pay attention when your all drinking beers and then suddenly everyone, one after another is running into the bathroom.; DUH! I wonder whats going on in there???

Anyway my loan went through and im just waiting for my checks to arrive. Im hopeing things will get alittle better after all of this is done.

Rich says he wants to buy me a diamond ring for Christmas! Here's Hopeing! I need to start my shopping, I havent bought 1 gift yet. Theres no money yet to buy anything. So I guess im gonna be one of those last minute shoppers..

Snow Snow Snow

Things are finally looking up for Rich and I. Although he did have alittle tiff with my dad this week. He had gone to the garage to have my dad check the plow and they got into it. I guess my dad did a background check on him, not that he found anything bad. Its just really sad that my parents are being like this. I know they are just being like this because they love me and are worried that he might be using me, But COME ON!

As for Rich and I we are doing great! Im signing on my mortgage papers today, Rich had an interview with the fire dept. last night and I do believe that he will be getting on the volunteer staff. That makes me happy cause thats what will make him happy. Plowing has been going pretty good also, im now shovel girl and at $15 an hour, why not? We are suppose to get a Hell of a storm starting tonight so that means $$$.

Going shopping with dad on Sunday for Christmas gifts for my mother ( he cant shop himself) even after we just went to the Jewelry store and spent $6000 on a yellow diamond ring that she "has" to have! Dont you think that should be all she really needs to get for Christmas? Well who am I to say, its not my money.

Ive just been going at it and trying to get things done, ( money problems, my parents,) And most of all im trying to be more organized. Its amazing how much easier things are when your organized!

My last thing that I really need to do is have a conversation with my mother explaning how much I love her, but that im almost 30 and they need to let it go just alittle. How many 30 year old people still have to deal with there parents like this? Im just trying to live my life with the man I chosen. They dont have to like him, they dont have to like the fact that I love him, just respect it. And if im wrong, let me make my own mistakes.

Im just trying to live my life the way I want!

Looking for help

Im feeling lost, so unbearably lost. I cant think straight, and im scared!

I was reading Iris's blog the other day, She is the reason i started this blog. I truely think so is a wonderful person. And I worry about her constantly. And the other day all my fears came true, when she finaly posted again I wasnt suprised to hear that she had been in the hospital. She had overdosed on sleeping pills. It broke my heart, I cried all day wishing she hadnt shut off her comments link. I think Iris just needs a friend, same as me.

In the past I have thought about taking pills, hanging myself, putting a knife to my wrist. I havent had those feelings in a very long time. Im just getting scared that it might come back.
That I too, just like Iris will have a slip up.

Im praying for her, I wish her help and love.